How do you....

Get your human's to do your bidding? We've tried the Queen Meeshka's tactic of using the claw and the AO4's tactic of looking adorable. We've tried speaking Khyraese, but NOTHING is working! We just can't make her keep up with our blog and all our blogging buds! The only bidding she's doing is on the Ram-a-Lamb bag in the MaPaw auction on Ebay! This is getting completely ridiculous, and we're fed up with it, so it's mutiny on the RHP Bounty.

We know we have lots of awards that were given to us, but she won't get on the 'puter so we can acknowledge them, but we promise we will get to it.

We also know that we've been promising pics of our new & improved den, and we promise we'll get to that also.

If we start sneaking in here every time she takes one of her catnaps (we'd like to show her what we think of that, what's she doing napping when our blog is so neglected???), maybe we can get caught up on stuff without her help. What do we need her for anyway, except making sure we don't run out of meaty bones or treats? (and we've still got the dad to help out there, so.....come on, what should her punishment be?)

OK, just the most important business for now, we'll get to the other stuff soon, but matters of the heart must take precedence! It has recently come to our attention that we've been so neglected, that we're now in danger of being jilted by our loved ones! We know it's not their fault, they must think we've forgotten all about them, but please rest assured, that is NOT the case!
We heard a nasty rumor that the Jack-of-Hearts has been flirting with a beautiful little masked grrrl from Seattle even though she has a new boyfriend, and poor Mikki is just beside herself. And Cracker's love, Shelby-woo is considering throwing him over for a human man from Germany, shudder! We haven't heard a peep about Quincy, but he & Bama are still in the "starry-eyed, can't sleep without dreaming of you" phase, so hopefully that relationship is ok, though if the mom keeps neglecting us, there's no telling for how long.
But by far, the absolute worst, is that she hasn't let me respond to all the replies to Bama's last post when she put up my lonely-hearts ad! If I wasn't such a good boy, I'd bite her for being so rude to all those lovely ladies!! I'm truly humbled and honored by all the responses I got, but I have to admit, one special girl really made my heart go pitty-pat, she has such a great sense of humor, and sounds like she likes all the same stuff I do. So, though it saddens me to disappoint any of the beawoootiful girls that replied.....

I'd like to ask the gorgeous, wonderful, funny, gentle Dakota if she will be my special girl. I promise to be faithful, true, and cuddly for as long as you'll have me, and I sincerely apologize for taking so long to ask you formally. Dakota, will you accept my paw in puppy-love?

(My eyes are shut tightly cause I'm praying you'll accept!)

Forever yours if you'll have me,

Chili

PS, the mean humom says I can't have Pina Coladas either, she & the doc said I have to go on an even more strict DIET! I hope that's not a deal breaker.